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The Power In Loving Yourself
If there is power in loving yourself then why are people doing less of it....
There is a great power in loving yourself from the crown of your head to the sole of your feet. I use to lack this gift of love because I did not believe in putting myself first. I was so use to putting everyone needs before my needs and it drained me. Once I started to love myself unconditionally I felt a sense of self worth. For so long I put my self-worth in people and my identity was stuck in the men I dated and my friends. I had an identity problem which affected my life in a great way. However, when I began to love myself my circle of friends changed and my relationship with men changed as well. I decided to love myself, started to become my own best friend and soon my road became an individual path. The road to self love can sometimes be a lonely road but you have to decide that loving yourself is worth losing some people. I had the devastating blow of a 14 year friendship ending over my new found self love. Do I regret the choice? No, I never regret putting my love for myself first. People will dump all their emotional and mental trash on you as long as you allow them to do it. The road maybe lonesome but becoming your own best friend is optional. It taught me how to dig deep within to give myself what I needed. Everything we need is planted on the inside of us, but we become busy looking for love, peace, joy, etc. in other people. God has equipped us with all the significant tools to live an abundant life. Whatever we are lacking all we have to do is seek within ourselves to pull out our full potential. Once I began to nurture my love for myself I found my joy, peace, laughter and friendship in myself. I am no longer looking for friendship because I am learning to be my own best friend. I am no longer looking for peace, love or joy because I am discovering it within myself. The journey is endless and the process is continuous to finding the solutions inside of me yet it is the most rewarding path I have taken....There is a great rewarding power in loving yourself!
P.S. I am unapologetic for choosing me...Never apologize for loving yourself!
P.S. I am unapologetic for choosing me...Never apologize for loving yourself!
Never Give Up!
Life is like a winding road sometimes you may not know which road to take but all roads will lead you right back to your predestined journey. ~Stylicia A. Bowden~
If someone would have told me I would be graduating from college at the age of 33 with my bachelor’s degree in business administration I would have not believed them. I was always into my education and worked hard to see myself accomplish my goals. It was always my goal to attend college after high school and get my degree in Journalism. However, my life took different journeys which lead me down many winding roads. When I graduated from high school I started one year of college at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan. However, I became easily distracted during my first year in college and did not have enough money to return the following semester. I realized that I wanted more out of life than college so I decided to join the US Navy at the age of 19. I was able to see the world and still let the military pay for my education. I spent a year in college at my first duty station but then lost my focus again when I got stationed somewhere else. When I became a mother at the age of 22, I was no longer focused on my goals. However, I was still determine to readjust some things in order to finish my education. After being stationed overseas I started to work on my education for a brief moment but then my second child was born. I could have quit but I knew getting my college education was always a goal in my life. During my last duty station I knew the military lifestyle was coming to an end but before I left the military another curve ball was thrown to me, the death of my youngest daughter. I would have never imagined myself losing my child but when this happen I was devastated and it changed my life. In 2007, I left the military for good but had no clue on what I was going to do with my life. I knew I had no desire to ever again work for another company again so I jump back on the college horse in 2009 to finish my Associate Degree. However, in 2010 with only 1 class away from my degree I failed my last class due to overwhelming pressure and personal issues. I was discouraged but I kept moving forward to accomplish my dream. In January 2011 I registered at Strayer University in Charleston, SC. I decided to use all of my college credits from my last college and the military to obtain a bachelors degree in business administration. I was challenged with balancing being a single mother, helping my oldest daughter with her homework and creating a new life as a college student. It was a long road but I can proudly say this year I will be graduating with my Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration on October 27th, 2012 in Norfolk, VA. Sometimes life will not go the way you plan but it is up to you to not allow your circumstances to hold you back from accomplishing your dream. If your goal is important to you continue to work towards it, the road maybe bumpy but you can do it!
I am now working towards my MBA in International Business....My college education is for my daughter, mom,dad, brothers and all the people who died just to get an education in my culture and ancestry. With each degree I obtain there is a legacy I carry with it and people attached to my educational success.
P.S. This blog post was also featured on College Girl Inc. for this month http://tinyurl.com/9p7ktxr
"TO BE GIVEN THE LABEL "PLUS-SIZE" WAS MOST LIKELY THE HAPPIEST DAY I CAN REMEMBER." - THE STORY OF KAROLIN WOLTER
After three years of successful runway modeling for top labels like Marc Jacobs, Lanvin, and Yves Saint Laurent, Karolin Wolter was tired of rigid diets and self-loathing in front of the mirror, so she made a risky decision. She became a plus-size model.
Read her story written in her own words after the jump.
I started modeling in August 2008 by sending snapshots to some agencies in Hamburg. I met with all of them and decided to go with m4 models. (A very good decision, I can safely say now!) Two months later I moved to New York. I’ve experienced so many amazing things during my time in New York. I’ve known joy and happiness, and crushing pain as well. While I wouldn’t give up these memories, and the many things I’ve learned, I would never want to go through these years again. Working in an industry that constantly judges you, your look, and your body isn’t easy. Especially for someone like me, who was never skinny enough. I’m 181 cm tall. Before getting into modeling I was 62kg, a normal weight for a girl, and rather slim for an average non-fashion person. I was 57kg when I first got into fashion modeling. At that time I still felt fat, people were telling me I had to lose weight.
Now, when I look at my very first set of Polaroids I can’t believe how good I looked. Worse, I can’t believe I seriously thought I was FAT . During my first fashion week in February 2009 I was 53-55kg — almost 10kg under my natural body weight. I did well, I did really well, but even then my agents were telling me “You know Karolin, next season are the spring/summer shows, you have to be even skinnier.” At the time I honestly thought it was totally fine to weigh less than 55 kg. Now, while writing this, I am shaking my head, I can’t quite believe it. In those days I rarely, if ever, had the feeling that anyone in the industry actually thought I was perfect the way I was. I am not surprised it completely fucked with my mind.
My natural eating behavior disappeared entirely. I didn’t know if I was hungry or what I was hungry for. Every time I looked in the mirror I had this feeling of not being the way I was supposed to be. Every day the burden became heavier. Work became exhausting, I was afraid of disappointing the client. For some reason it usually went well on set, not always, but most of the time. The actual struggle was when I wasn’t at work. At home, before a big job, I was absolutely useless because of the unbelievable mental pressure.
My natural eating behavior disappeared entirely. I didn’t know if I was hungry or what I was hungry for. Every time I looked in the mirror I had this feeling of not being the way I was supposed to be. Every day the burden became heavier. Work became exhausting, I was afraid of disappointing the client. For some reason it usually went well on set, not always, but most of the time. The actual struggle was when I wasn’t at work. At home, before a big job, I was absolutely useless because of the unbelievable mental pressure.
In the beginning of 2011 I quit. I didn’t have a choice. It was very hard to turn down numerous jobs and therefore lose money, but when I realized I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore, I knew something was wrong. I decided to go back to Europe for a couple of months to go hiking in the Alps alone. This was something I always wanted to do and I was glad I did. In fact, I hope I’m able to find time to make this a yearly trip. I also decided to spend more time in Europe in general. I got an apartment in Berlin which has
been a good experience. At the end of 2011 I said to my agents, “You know what, I think I’m ready to work again, under one condition: You have to put my real measurements on my card.” To my surprise, they agreed. Then I said to my agent in NY “Maybe I could be a plus-size model?” “No way, you are not big enough,” he said, but I didn’t give up. I made him measure my body and told him I could see what the plus-size agents had to say. He agreed, and when I went to see them they were happy to take me in. (An important note, I was only a plus-size in New York. The seven agencies I was working with internationally were still promoting me as a “straight” size.)
A few months later, we all realized that this hadn’t been the best idea. I hardly got any work, and when I did, I needed to wear pads to make me look bigger. Suddenly, I was too slim. On top of that, The Cut, the online version of New York Magazine, wrote a few lines about me being plus-size. After being picked up by the fashion blogs, it was the first thing to pop up when ‘Karolin Wolter’ was googled.
A few months later, we all realized that this hadn’t been the best idea. I hardly got any work, and when I did, I needed to wear pads to make me look bigger. Suddenly, I was too slim. On top of that, The Cut, the online version of New York Magazine, wrote a few lines about me being plus-size. After being picked up by the fashion blogs, it was the first thing to pop up when ‘Karolin Wolter’ was googled.
That’s why my agents in Europe were having trouble booking me, because everyone thought I was big. My German agent, made me take new Polaroids every week, but many clients thought the photos weren’t real. Ironically, as of a few days ago, I am a straight-size model in New York again, back with my old crew at the Ford High Fashion board. I am thrilled about this change. At the same time, I am also saddened by it. I was proud — I actually loved being called plus-size. I told everyone I was plus-size. I love the words “plus-size.” To be given this label was most likely the happiest day I can remember. The funny thing is, the day that it happened, I instantly lost about two kg. The pressure was gone, and my natural eating behavior came back. I have no clue what is going to happen with me in the fashion industry. I am no longer pressuring myself, I try to go with the flow while keeping my priorities straight. These days I enjoy working with smaller clients, or even shooting just for fun with photographer friends. Even then, I have earned
more in the last three months then ever before. There just isn’t any rule. It’s not about how big you are, how small you are or what label you are given. It’s about how you carry yourself. If you are comfortable with your body you can sell pretty much anything.
Best,
Karolin
Photos: Daemian Smith + Christine Suarez
Fashion: Laura Jones
Hair: ordan M for Bumble and Bumble
Make-Up: Talia Shobrook for Hourglass
Model: Karolin Wolter at M4 Models
Set Designer: Julie Hollis Feldman
Manicurist: Gina Edwards at Kate Ryan Inc for Anthony Defranco
Salon + Spa
Photo Assistant: Chiaki Hara & Catherine Berry
Location: Root [Drive-In] www.driveinstudios.com
Story photographed with the Leica S2
Photos: Daemian Smith + Christine Suarez
Fashion: Laura Jones
Hair: ordan M for Bumble and Bumble
Make-Up: Talia Shobrook for Hourglass
Model: Karolin Wolter at M4 Models
Set Designer: Julie Hollis Feldman
Manicurist: Gina Edwards at Kate Ryan Inc for Anthony Defranco
Salon + Spa
Photo Assistant: Chiaki Hara & Catherine Berry
Location: Root [Drive-In] www.driveinstudios.com
Story photographed with the Leica S2
Elegance - Tubes
15 Mavka-Tubes, 1 Background - Transparent, PNG-Format
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"I AM JUST THERE TO GIVE STRUCTURE TO A PREFABRICATED FANTASY" IN A CONVERSATION WITH KAMILLA FILIPCIKOVA
Kamila Filipcikova was discovered at the age of 14 in her hometown Bratislava. Since then the slovakian girl made it on the cover of Vogue Italia and danish Rodeo Magazine, worked together with Juergen Teller and Steven Meisel and appeared in editorials for magazines such as W, Cover and Love Magazine. Having that in my mind it's quite surprising getting to know her in her outstanding appearance. Outstanding - in a very down-to-earth way. We met Kamila for a talk about the ego from the view of a full-time-model, her experiences and the craving for the simplest things in life. The fact that we had to capture her (superficial) beauty trough a photo series aswell becomes unquestionable.
Read the whole interview after the jump.
Where are you from?
I was born and still live in Bratislava, the capital of Slovakia. We have a big family — I’m the oldest of seven children.
What is Slovakia like?
I love road trips with no planned route. As a child we went hiking in the mountains and when I got older I would spent weeks there with my friends — camping and visiting art festivals in the middle of nowhere. It was so simple, yet beautiful. My fondest memories are connected with nature and people from my country. They are a bit reserved but very welcoming. When I travel I miss this kind of real life stereotype that you normally want to escape from.
At the age of 15, but at first it was a joke. I never believed modeling would work out. My parents were completely against the business so I kept sneaking around, more or less just to make them angry. I didn’t feel pretty at all. No one in my field does.
They were very different. I shot with Steven at the very beginning of my career. It was my first big break, and, honestly, I’m ashamed to say it, but at that time I had no idea what was going on or who he was.I flew with a backpack full of dirty clothes to L.A. It was November, but over there it was all sun and heat and there’s me with my ugly winter clothes on — you got the picture? A limousine was waiting for me at Arrivals. Yes, for me. The tired, shitty-looking kid from mid-Europe. The five-star hotel on Sunset Boulevard didn’t want to check me in because I had no credit card, only a student account card that had a limit of 40 dollars. Finding my washed socks all around the bathroom was probably a surprise for the cleaning woman. The shoot itself was amazing — far away from all the shoots I had experienced before. It felt like being in a movie. Steven himself was quiet, very polite, and respectful. The set was built, and he let us in and allowed us to play out the way we felt about the theme of the shoot. He wanted us to stimulate his imagination. The shoot with Juergen Teller came much later. I was more experienced, but more stressed as well. It was an intense shoot, many people, different locations, fast-paced, and with a very different energy. Most of the pictures he took looked like they were done by accident, but there is a lot of work behind them. You are not able to catch that by looking at them superficially, only if you were a part of it.
It’s not me, it’s an illusion — an imagined version of someone’s picture of someone. I am just there to give structure to a prefabricated fantasy.
It’s a question of creativity, what you can implement with your style using all different kinds of art to connect at this one point. It is the projection of yourself to the audience. It is the first thing other people are able to see. But the so-called
“fashion world” doesn’t matter to me. I think you can see this in my way of dressing.
My job is to be able to convince others. During a shoot it works out pretty well. It took me some time before I got used to behaving normally and was able to forget about all the people watching me on the set while I was wearing make-up and styled with some
weird hair-do. But I, Kamila, can hide behind a new character. Anonymity matters to me. I keep my business miles away from my ordinary life.
I am sure it did, in many different ways. Everything you touch leaves some marks, sometimes regrettably. If I can count one thing that’s definitely a good change, I was always late before my modeling career — that needed to be improved.
A while ago, I found I have a passion for cooking. I can spend hours in the kitchen and I am planting herbs, peas, and tomatoes on my balcony. I was thinking of how nice it would be to have chickens as well, but I guess the neighbors would kill me. I don’t have
definite plans for the future. The few things I might dream of need to wait anyway.
Interview: Zsuzsanna Toth
Photos: Stefan Heinrichs
Fashion: Kathi Kauder
Hair & Make-Up: Stelli using Tom Ford Cosmetics
Model: Kamila Filipcikova @ elite model management London
PHOTO Assistant: christian rinke
Fashion Assistants: Fernando Torres, Emily Gessner
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