LOVE My Live

There was no sound in the room.
The blinding darkness spilled all over the scene.
The chilly winds were absent, gone with all the giggles and smiles.

He sat in the corner, crying
In his hand was a picture of his friend
A pretty young girl; long smooth hair, joyful smile
braced teeth, a bit chubby but cute,














Sweat rolls down his forehead every time the clock ticks
And as every minute pass, every blissful memory that appears
his grip of the picture tightens.

His clutches were on the image
His nails were clawing and scratching the surface
ripping all the colors out of the picture
There were sweat, tears and blood
And again, as every moment pass, the tighter his grip becomes

He remained sitting
hugging his knees with his arms
cradling himself to sleep
to shut his eyes that are out of tears
He wanted to rest
But he couldn't

He stares at the picture with unfathomable anger
He's betrayed
He's abandoned
He felt manipulated
He felt forsaken

If only words could define his anger
If only someone would sit with him and listen
If only his friend would explain herself
If...

Your face is still fresh in my memory
Like the first glimpse of a blooming flower in the beginning of spring
Your voice is still remembered by my ears
So lovely, just like the captivating psalms of David; alive and everlasting

Every minute of everyday I think of you
From dusk to dawn, sunrise till sunset
Yours is the magnificent voice that wakes my spirit up
the same voice, a soothing lullaby that cradles me to bed

Speak to me again oh my guiding star
Please do not conceal yourself from the clouds
See how I endure this unbearable crucible without you
Witness the overflowing tears rolling down my cheeks
falling on our picture
as if gently washing all our years and memories

My confidante, I never thought I'd lose you
Your eyes utter goodbyes and your actions speak rejection
What have I done for you to treat me this way?
Speak to me before it's too late
Are you still a friend or are you now a foe?

I wish I could hold you in my arms
As I do in my dreams
But while dreams fade away
My heart yearns for you.

"How could I let them go? How long should I hold on? They're my life, they're everything to me, I value them so much!"

It was a dream. I was wandering around the walls of a city walking on the concrete road bare feet and in pajamas. It was odd that there was nobody living in there, no sound of human interactions just the chilly winds pushing and pulling the sturdy trees. I hugged myself and struggled for warmth for the atmosphere grew awfully cold. There were no lights except for rusty old lamp posts along the alley. The panorama was engulfed in thick gray-dull and dead. The blue skies were gray and dark as if brewing a storm. The green grass and the rainbow painted flowers were as dark as the skies as if these living things were robbed of all the bright, joyful shades. There were buildings but no residents. there were houses but no homes.

I went pass a dark and narrow alley called 'memory lane' and below its sign says: 'he who's brave enough to face truth shall find answers'. Without second thoughts I decided to go in. The darkness of the alley as it narrows was like a bottomless abyss, preventing any light to escape its dreadful clutches. As I continued walking, I began to have an eerie feeling that the walls were somehow closing in on me. Desperate to find what's on the end and terrified by an eerie feeling, I ran in panic, gasping for air, struggling to keep my balance as I ran on the wet and slippery road.

A few moments later I paused for air. It seemed that the road was infinite and that I'm trapped in a middle of nowhere. That even if I keep on running, the road will somehow extend its length. I sat and cried. A few moments passed and the brick walls started to flash images.

Every time a person would ask me if I'm okay, I'd always say YES. Yes was always my answer to those people who find interest in taking a peek in my heart, that if I say that three letter word, they'd stop and leave me alone. When I saw the images of my friends that I lost I was crushed and devastated beyond words. I sat there wrapping my knees with my arms as my eyes failed to seize the tears from falling. My eyes were overflowing with tears and in every tear were words, letters expressing pain that as it hit the ground it would emit a sorrowful echo. If a person could think of word far more than crushed, devastated, ruined and destroyed, that would be me.

It came to me that pride somehow cloaked the true condition of my soul. As the memories unveil I saw the precious pieces of my heart drowning in a bucket of unbearable sorrow that it screamed for someone to pick it up and heal it. There were some pieces missing, pieces that were taken by those who left him alone, those who entered his door and swiftly left through his window. I cried and cried and cried.

My Almighty Dad came out of nowhere. He picked the pieces of my heart with his nail scarred hands, the same hands that wiped out my tears and cupped my cheeks. He stood up in front of me, carried me then hugged me. He asked me to let them go, to let all the bitterness and sorrow flow down the drain.

"How could I let them go? How long should I hold on? They're my life, they're everything to me, I value them so much!" I replied.

"I value my son too yet I gave Him up for your sake remember?" He said.

I was left without words to say only tears. A couple of silent minutes passed then I whispered: "They left with the pieces of my heart, how can I be whole again?"

He hugged me for the second time, only this hug was tighter and more intimate. His lips were right next to my ear and whispered: "Then let me fill the empty pieces with my love... I will be here when you feel like being quiet or when you need to speak your mind. When you need a shoulder to cry on, when you need a friend or a buddy, I will be here."

I looked back on the walls flashing the images of my friends. It was painful for me to let them go... really painful. I took a stone and smash it against the wall, seconds later the images fade. As the pictures vanished so did my bitterness. My Dad hugged me again, held my hands and left.

I know it was painful to let them go and living each day with that fact is even more painful yet I know God will never make me feel alone... No... NEVER.