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Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label freedom. Show all posts

This Girl Is On Fire!

“Becoming my new self, some people didn’t understand me anymore. Some people who I knew for years—we couldn’t be on the same page anymore. That’s OK because that’s part of growing, too. The hardest thing is to trust yourself, to know that what you’re feeling is valid. A lot of times we dismiss our feelings. I realized that I can trust myself and say, ‘No, I’m not comfortable with that.’ That was the toughest part. When I finally had the bravery to do that, that’s when I started to feel on fire.” ~Alicia Keys (intercept from Complex Mag Interview Nov 13, 2012)



I remember clear as day when I first became a fan of Alicia Keys it was while I was stationed in Jacksonville, Florida. I heard her first hit song Fallin' off her debut album Songs in A Minor, her vocals and talent blew me away. It was refreshing to hear a woman singer who sung about positive things and showcased women in a positive manner. In all her videos Keys always kept it classy and I truly respect her for that. She has changed throughout the years but I can truly say I have changed with her in her musical journey. I can honestly say I own every album from Song in A Minor to The Element of Freedom. When I first heard Girl On Fire I realized there was a new Alicia emerging from a new place. I did not automatically love it but because I am a fan I was urged to read the lyrics to the song. Once I read the lyrics to the song I became a fan of this song because I could relate to the words she bellowed out. Girl On Fire is a true testament of my journey into a brand new me and embracing the new person I am right now. Alicia Keys new album is entitled "Girl On Fire" with two hit songs already New Day (which is my favorite song thus far) and Girl on Fire. Girl On Fire is so motivating to me because after losing my two year old daughter five years ago a new me was emerging from the pain, bitterness, anger and so many other embedded emotions. Through this life altering event I was faced to deal with my personal issues from passiveness, mental & emotional abuse, self neglect, toxic relationships, growing apart in friendships and so much more. The song is a true testament of my evolution and embracing a better me, a whole new me on a whole new level. Although I have changed I refuse to let anyone put me back in the box, I am striving to stay on fire for what I want to accomplish in life. I stop making excuses and start making things happen in my life to me that is the true definition of a Girl On Fire. I even had to add this song to my morning inspirational list because when the world sometimes get too surreal I have to be reminded that the road may be lonely but I will stay on fire for all that I am setting my mind to accomplish while I am still on this Earth. Alicia Keys is truly a Girl On Fire who is not scared to grow, fly and leave some things behind. After reading the interview from  Complex magazine I became more of a fan because she really explained where she is in her life and how being the new her is refreshing. She also talked about the graduation from a girl to a woman which I can relate to that on all levels (LOL). I have been a girl trapped for a long time but when I turned 30 the woman in me started to emerge I started to focus on nurturing myself more and taking care of me. I no longer put myself on the back burner but started to feel comfortable in my skin. I really started living and stop taking life for granted. I had to step back, reflect and meditate on where I want to go and what I wanted to do; in this redefining moment I could relate to being a Girl On Fire who now has became a woman on fire!

Here is a couple of quote commentary from Alicia Keys interview with Complex Magazine interview (November 13, 2012) that stood out to me:

It’s not a departure. It’s growth. I love the way that I’ve been able to go deeper into my lyrics and my songwriting and go to a place I was too afraid to access before.

Because I started so young, so much of my life has been like catching up to myself—or trying to run underneath myself so I’m not falling. I finally stepped back and was able to look at it all and say ‘Wow.’ No complaints. I’m glad to be where I am and have this life. But it could be different. I don’t want to have the type of life where I’m not living or I’m always working or always fitting into whatever perfect box. I don’t want that type of hectic life. I don’t want people in my life that encourage that in any way. I’m not my old self anymore.

Becoming my new self, some people didn’t understand me anymore. Some people who I knew for years—we couldn’t be on the same page anymore. That’s OK because that’s part of growing, too. The hardest thing is to trust yourself, to know that what you’re feeling is valid. A lot of times we dismiss our feelings. I realized that I can trust myself and say, ‘No, I’m not comfortable with that.’ That was the toughest part. When I finally had the bravery to do that, that’s when I started to feel on fire.

The whole freaking world is looking at your [stuff]. It’s scary. I didn’t want to say every single thing because you don’t want people to know that. There’s personal and there’s public, and I deserve the right to have a personal space.

References: Kenner, R. (2012, November 13). Retrieved from Complex: http://www.complex.com/music/2012/11/alicia-keys-december-2012-january-2013-cover-story/page/2



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5 Lessons Learned Through Life, Love & Friendship!

As the year comes to an end I reflect on how much has happen this year in my life. I realize all the things have worked out for the better even when I had no concept of why they happen. I learned valuable lessons from growing in life, loving myself unconditionally and redefining the word friend after a 14 year friendship ended. All of these things made me stronger, wiser and better. Each high and low point in my life challenged me to reevaluate myself, work on my personal issues and move forward. In 2012  I have learned to stop reminiscing on the past, holding on to pain and understand the power of forgiveness. I want to share with you five powerful lessons I have learned on my new journey as I embrace the new me...New Faces, Places & Spaces!



Lessons Learned on Love...

1) Love Yourself First (Unconditionally flaws and all), Forgive Yourself and Heal Yourself
Love is powerful but if you do not know how to love yourself you can never reciprocate that love to someone else totally. This year I have learned to immerse myself into loving myself in all areas of my life mentally, emotionally, physically and financially. I have been challenged to take time to get to know what I want, what I like and accomplishing my goals. The most powerful lesson I learned was to stop putting myself on the back burner and learning to put myself on the front row. I found out I deserve the best of everything because I believe in my ability to go farther than I could imagine. I had to realize the only limitation that was holding me back was my mindset and the words I spoke about my life. I know now I am powerful beyond measure and only want to attract those who are positive and moving forward in great strides. 

2) Love Will Find You....
After exiting a four year relationship with a man that was not the one for me I realized love will find you & you do not have to be desperate to find it. The ending of this relationship help me begin my authentic journey helping me understand the reason I attracted the same type of men. It had nothing to do with them but it was me who had to deal with my own inner issues. I have been on my authentic journey for almost 2 yrs now and it has been a great journey. I feel refreshed, renewed and reborn. I can truly say I am a new me and have a new found love for myself. I understand the importance of self love, enjoying being single and creating the life I desire....I have an new attitude about living life which is...I am living life and not waiting to have a man or get married to live life to the fullest!

Lessons Learned on Life

 3) Life is what you create it to be.....
I use to complain and hate where I lived but now I realize you have to make the best out of where you are at. If you are staying in your triangle then your life will remain boring and lifeless. I started to venture out my comfort zone and began to meet new people. I know where I am at is not my permanent place but I might as well have fun living here. Since I have ventured out I have fell in love with so many hidden treasures in the city I live in. It has challenged me to go far and beyond my comfort zone. I am having fun!

Lessons Learned From Friendships....

4) If They Walk Away Let Them Go And Close The Door....
The hardest lesson I learned in 2012 is when you start to change so does the people in your life. I had a 14 year friendship that ended it hurt me to the core but I realized the friendship was no longer the same. Both of us had changed from life circumstances and we were no longer the 19 or 20 yr old girls. We both grew into grown women who had baggage from life that needed to be dumped out. The greatest lesson I learned hurt people hurt people. When two people are wounded there is no way they can help each other. I had to understand where I went wrong with the friendship but in the end I had to let go of the pain and forgive myself in spite of the other party departure. There may have never been a full explanation but just a unfriend button from Facebook but I knew in my heart our life path was taking on different directions. I am learning to be comfortable with people rotating out of my life because we all have a destination to get to in life. As we grow and evolve our circle will also grow and evolve. Forgive, Love & Move Forward!

5) Tolerate and Celebrate....
If you have a friend who is never really happy for your accomplishments and constantly try to degrade you then nine times out of ten this person is jealous. You want to be around people who celebrate you not tolerate you. When you begin to shine then you truly see who really is supporting you. I have learned to reevaluate all my friendships and reposition some friends in my life. I am learning to get to know people for who they really are by discerning their actions, what they say and how they react. I am more open to letting friendships go if they are not mutually beneficial. I realize each friend is for different things in my life but that does not mean they will always be there. Some will stay for a season then when there time is done they will exit the stage. I have came to accept that life is about forward movement and you cannot live in the past but embrace the future head on. In order to get where you are going you have to surround yourself around like-minded people. Positive people are attracted by positive people.

2013 is all about FORWARD MOVEMENT for me, no looking back but forgiving and closing the doors to the past of 2012 and embracing 2013 with newer expectations!

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Authentic Fridays Guest Blogger: Lanira Postell (Taking A Stand)


Taking a Stand


           Although Christians are followers of a perfect being, we are anything but without blemishes. The body of Christ is divided in many ways. An example of this division is the Bible thumpers vs. the Bible holders.

           Today I was on my way to rehearse a scene with my crew. On the way up the slopes to my class I passed a crowd of students. The students were standing in front of a platform in which a few middle aged males held large signs that read, “Repent of your sins. Jesus saves you from hell” or “Adulators, homosexuals, and fornicators will all burn in hell” as I saw the scene I rolled my eyes and went to rehearsal. I have seen these men semester after semester stand on platforms and condemn people to a hell that they think they created. Every semester the reaction to this display worsens.

           After my rehearsal I went to my Queer Identities class where we learned about transgender people and the obstacles that they face in the American society. One study in 2011 showed that the life expectancy of a trans woman was 23. This expectancy is low due to murders and suicide. After my favorite class I left my queer mates and proceeded to go to my next class, but I never made it. The crowd had worsened. I saw a familiar classmate and sister in Christ and I went to her to ask about what happened. She explained that things had gotten out of hand. I could see the terror on her face. She said that the men with the signs were yelling at people and that there were Christian students battling it with other Christians because they did not agree with the way the men were witnessing to non-believers. I explained to her that every semester the crowd reacts worse and worse to this “witnessing” and that I had never seen it this bad. There were students behind the men holding up their own signs that said things from “God loves all” to “Go Falcons!” My classmate left with her jaw pulling from the ground. I stayed.

           I was at ease about the situation because I had seen it before but something was different. Then I saw it. A young lady from the crowd parted through the middle to the stage with a rainbow flag draped over her. She received applause from her family. At that point I knew I couldn't leave. I went over to a table behind the crowd for support and I watched.  My fellow classmate from my Queer Identities class was one of the individuals that gathered around the rainbow flag and a trans woman cheered and everyone applauded as they battled it out against the radical Christians. I leaned against the table with clenched jaws. It was painful to watch the people that I love: my fellow sisters and brothers in Christ and my queer family act this way towards one another. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore.

           The library is a few feet across from the platform. I went inside and logged in on a computer. It was time to make my own sign. Before I began to type I said a prayer asking that God’s will be done.  My sign read,

“I love ALL QUEERS.
I once was a lesbian.
God had a different plan.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

I printed it and headed back out to the crowd. I walked directly onto the platform and held my sign high over my head with both hands. I moved it from side to side slowly so that people could read it. My font was small so the crowd had to deliberately look at it to read what it said. A young lady asked me,

“So you’re not a lesbian anymore?”

I said, “No, but I’m not straight either.”

“What do you think God’s plan for you is?”

“To submit my life to him because I was comfortable doing my own thing. I’m still attracted to women and I might always be but I had to submit to His Will. When I did that, He didn't change me to be heterosexual; He changed me so that I could be holy. Everyone has to suffer something for Christ, whether it is adultery or fornication, we all have to give up something for Christ and my suffering just happens to be lesbianism.”

Seemingly satisfied with my responses she hid in the crowd and I continued to display my sign. My queer family had already moved from the stage to the crowd and they were grouped together holding a sign that promoted the upcoming drag show. When my classmate from my Queer Identities class read my sign his reaction was humorous. Or perhaps he found me humorous. But I just looked at him and smiled because I had nothing but love to share. On the platform with me one of the men were calling my family out, saying that,

“Your behavior is the exact reason why your city, Sodom and Gomorrah were burned down.”

I didn't approve of his words. I tried to get his attention and a couple of the people on the platform with me tried to get him to look my way. Finally I got him to glance at my sign. At first he glanced and then rolled his eyes and turned away. Something on my sign caused him to go back and read again and then say,

“Well amen to that.”

I said, “It’s all about love.”

“It’s about repentance.”

“Love is first. Love is first.”

           He began to yell at the crowd again and I raised my sign as high as I could. After a few minutes my arms felt tired and I realized I had accomplished all that I would. I brought my sign down and put it in my Queer Identities binder. I slowly put it into my bag as I watched two girls jump down the throat of the man I had interacted with. One of the students was saying that he is an embarrassment to her religion. She said that what he was doing was not helping anyone but hurting everyone. I could see the tears in her eyes that didn't take form. The other student was saying that Jesus came to save us so why does this man judge them. I’m not sure why but she began to expose her breasts and the man on the platform put his hand up to block his view of her chest. After seeing that I really had to go. I grabbed my bag. An Asian student asked me,

“Are you about to leave?”

“Yes,” I said. “Do you want to get up here?”

She nodded. I saw the sign in her hand; the words said that God loves everyone.

“That was good of you. That was really brave what you did.”

“Thank you, I really appreciate that.”

           I parted the crowd and didn't stop until I reached the shuttle stop to take me to my apartment. I called my best friend to tell her what just happened. How Christians were against Christians and gays and non-believers and how it was all saddening. I told her how I took a stand for the first time in my life about what God has been doing in me. I told her that there were no friends of mine in the crowd but there were a handful of people who knew my face or knew of me. That didn't matter. I felt I had to do something and I did it. I know that it wasn't in vain. I know that at least people know that God does truly save, if you allow Him to. 

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Liberation From Guilt: Code Let It Go!

You have to be brave enough  to face your guilt & disassociate yourself from the  pain of the past. ~Stylicia~


I have so many unwritten, unfinished stories to tell from my life but I know there is a time and a place to unveil certain aspects about my past. Writing has become a way for me to emotionally disconnect myself from the pain in order to heal from imprints of my past. I believe you do not have to rush to tell your stories but when you are ready to be free your stories, which are God given testimonies help you release the shame. I woke up this morning under the impression that my guilt from my past had been haunting me long enough. When you are no longer afraid to tell people your failures or who you use to be they cannot hold it over your head. You will not hold the past over your own head as well. In the last year I have revealed so much about myself that I would not normally do because I am a very private person. However, when I was able to tell God, "I am ready to be free, I am ready to tell each story at each specific time" that is when my pen flowed so easily just like today. Today, I said out loud "I no longer want to be hostage to guilt anymore" from these simple words my freedom has come and now I can tell this story today. 

When I was 23 years old I got an abortion and I never discussed this with anyone at all. The only person who really knew was my best friend in Detroit. I never felt the need to discuss it because the decision I made was appropriate for me during that time. Many people will judge me and say things that they cannot even relate to until  they have "walked in my shoes". We all have things we wished we never done but some of us are not brave enough to forgive ourselves and repent. Instead we judge others and become hypocritical of other people's situations without understanding their journey. However, I have learned to live in a nonjudgmental zone with people. Judging others will only bring judgement upon yourself (Matthew 7:1). There are many things I could be ashamed about but now I can say "so what" who the son set free is free indeed. Today is a day I feel free to be my authentic self and not care about what others think about me. 

When you hold guilt and shame it will hold you hostage to your past. It will also hold you hostage to feeling obligated to doing things you do not want to do. I have encountered plenty of old friends who were in my life who used my guilty conscious as a way to keep be indebted to them. People who use this type of manipulation prey on your weakness to feel like you owe them something. Be careful with people who try to send you on guilt trips so they can use and abuse you. In order to break the cycle you have to confront your guilt and shame to enter into an agreement of wholeness & forgiving yourself. 

I cannot lie "I feel so free writing this right now" because I can walk in total freedom knowing God has forgiven me and I repented years ago for things of my past. Repentance will bring you into a peaceful place with yourself and God. It does not matter what people will say or how they will feel about me what matters is how I feel about myself and knowing God loves me. I will no longer let my past define me for my next level of living. This path I walk is often lonely because I choose to be real with myself but it has been a rewarding journey for the last 18 months. I can face my guilt and shame just to tell it "You can no longer hold me hostage I have disassociated myself from the past & my future is so much brighter now!"


Be Free, Face Your Fear, Guilt & Shame, Repent, Forgive Yourself & Then rejoice because God has given you a new beginning. Everyday his mercies are new!

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